Dear God, my prayer for the next year is a FAT bank account

Nov. 19, 2023, 4:53 a.m.

Dear God, my prayer for the next year is a FAT bank account and a THIN body. Please don't mix it up like you did this year.

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I have gotten out of a bed 365 times a year for 37 years

Nov. 19, 2023, 4:53 a.m.

I have gotten out of a bed 365 times a year for 37 years. That is 13,505 sit-ups. And no abs to show for it...

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A man visits his doctor with celery stalks stuck in each

Nov. 19, 2023, 4:53 a.m.

A man visits his doctor with celery stalks stuck in each ear and a carrot stick up each nostril. He mumbles, "Doc, I'm just not feeling well." The doctor replies, "Maybe you're not eating right."

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Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life

Nov. 19, 2023, 4:53 a.m.

Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut up.

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