Doctor to a patient: "I have good and bad news for you. Which one would you like to hear first?" "The good one please." "I found the diagnosis of your illness, it means you have two days to live." "And the bad one?" "Ive been trying to reach you for two days."

Why is it a bad idea for two butt cheeks to get married? Because they part for every little shit.

A man in a butcher shop: "I would like bull testicles, please" Butcher: "Me too"

Scientists have now discovered how women keep their secrets. They do so, within groups of 40.

An elderly man was on the operating table awaiting surgery to be performed by his son, a renowned surgeon. Just before they would put him under, he asked to speak to his son: "Dont be nervous, son, do your best and just remember, if it doesnt go well, if something happens to me your mother is going to come and live with you and your wife."