A recent scientific study showed that out of 2,293,618,367 people, 94% are too lazy to actually read that number.

What did the judge ask when he went to the dentist? "Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth?"

Somebody said today that I'm lazy. I nearly answered him.

My relationship is like an iPad. I don't have an iPad.

I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes - and two months later you have to start all over again.