An elderly man was on the operating table awaiting surgery to be performed by his son, a renowned surgeon. Just before they would put him under, he asked to speak to his son: "Dont be nervous, son, do your best and just remember, if it doesnt go well, if something happens to me your mother is going to come and live with you and your wife."

A husband and wife have four sons. The oldest three are tall with red hair and light skin while the youngest son is short with black hair and dark eyes. The father was on his deathbed when he turned to his wife and said, "Honey, before I die, be totally honest with me: Is our youngest son my child?" The wife replied, "I swear on everything that's holy that he is your son." With that, the husband passed away. The wife muttered, "Thank God he didn't ask about the other three."

"Mom can I get twenty bucks?", "Does it look like I am made of money?", "Well isn't that what M.O.M stands for?"

My son asked me what a dilemma was? Imagine you're naked and in a big bed, I explained, A beautiful woman on one side and a gay man on the other... Who you going to turn your back on?

A boy and his dad are talking. - Hey Dad. - Yes son?- - Did you ever get shot in the army? He looks at his son in silence. Tears start to form in the Dad's eyes, and he quietly replies; - No, but I was shot in the leggy.