One day when I was young... I watched my father grill burgers. When they were done, he handed me one, telling me it was a Bison burger. He then left... never came back... I know he may not have been dedicated to his family, but he was dedicated to his jokes.

An elderly man was on the operating table awaiting surgery to be performed by his son, a renowned surgeon. Just before they would put him under, he asked to speak to his son: "Dont be nervous, son, do your best and just remember, if it doesnt go well, if something happens to me your mother is going to come and live with you and your wife."

If you're born in September, it's pretty safe to assume your parents started out the New Year with a Bang!

My biggest fear, when I first started dating, was meeting the girl's father. But I mainly dated black girls, so it was never really an issue.

I remember one time I brought my report card home, I go, "Hey Pop, I got a B in Reading!" He goes, "That's a D, you idiot!"