Yo momma's so fat, that when she fell, no one was laughing but the ground was cracking up.

A man walks by a blonde, who is holding a pig. The man asks, "Where did you get her?" The pig answered, "I won her at the fair."

I asked a Chinese girl for her number. She said, "Sex! Sex! Sex! Free sex tonight!" I said, "Wow!" Then her friend said, "She means 666-3629."

Why couldn't the blonde add 10 and 5 on a calculator? She couldn't find the "10" button.

My mission in life is not merely to survive, but to thrive; and to do so with some passion, some compassion, some humor, and some style.