You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.

You've gotta dance like there's nobody watching, Love like you'll never be hurt, Sing like there's nobody listening, And live like it's heaven on earth.

Doctor to a patient: "I have good and bad news for you. Which one would you like to hear first?" "The good one please." "I found the diagnosis of your illness, it means you have two days to live." "And the bad one?" "Ive been trying to reach you for two days."

An elderly man was on the operating table awaiting surgery to be performed by his son, a renowned surgeon. Just before they would put him under, he asked to speak to his son: "Dont be nervous, son, do your best and just remember, if it doesnt go well, if something happens to me your mother is going to come and live with you and your wife."

The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.