A woman at a golf course begins yelling, ''I've been stung by a bee!'' Her golf instructor asks her where she had been stung. ''Between the first and second hole,'' she replies. The golf instructor tells her, ''Oh, your stance is too wide.''

Police Officer: "How high are you?" Pothead: "No officer, it's "Hi, How are you?"

What do you call a large dog that meditates? Aware wolf.

New Year's is just a holiday created by calendar companies who don't want you reusing last year's calendar.

Just heard that in the next year there will be a new device that can turn thoughts into speech. I have had that for years, it's called alcohol.