Yo momma's so fat, that when she fell, no one was laughing but the ground was cracking up.

A man walks by a blonde, who is holding a pig. The man asks, "Where did you get her?" The pig answered, "I won her at the fair."

I asked a Chinese girl for her number. She said, "Sex! Sex! Sex! Free sex tonight!" I said, "Wow!" Then her friend said, "She means 666-3629."

Why couldn't the blonde add 10 and 5 on a calculator? She couldn't find the "10" button.

Doctor to a patient: "I have good and bad news for you. Which one would you like to hear first?" "The good one please." "I found the diagnosis of your illness, it means you have two days to live." "And the bad one?" "Ive been trying to reach you for two days."