My boss pulled up to work in his sweet new car this morning and I complimented him on it. He replied: "Well, if you work hard, set goals, stay determined and put in long hours, I can get an even better one next year."

Did you know that you can tell how smart an ant is by catching it on fire? If it burns, it's a smart ant. If it doesn't, it's retardant.

Why was the Pepsi employee fired? He tested positive for coke.

How do we know the earth isn't flat? If it were flat, cats would have already pushed everything off of it.

How come it takes so long to build a blonde snowman? Because you have to hollow out the head.