I told the paramedics the wrong blood type for my ex. Now she'll know what rejection feels like

I'm 60 days clean now. It's been hard showering every day, but thankfully I had heroin to help me through it.

My girlfriend asked me to name all the women I've slept with. I probably should've stopped when I got to her.

I saw 2 guys wearing matching clothing and asked if they were gay. They quickly arrested me.

The doctor gave me six months to live, so I shot him. The judge gave me 50 years. Problem solved.