I don't get why women brag about multi-tasking There's nothing cool about doing three things wrong at once.

My wife left me because I am too insecure. Never mind, she was just picking up some groceries.

Two clowns are eating a cannibal. One turns to the other and says: "I think we got this joke wrong".

I cant believe I forgot to go to the gym today That's 7 years in a row now

A robber comes into the store steals a TV. A blonde runs after him and says, "Wait, you forgot the remote!"