The worst part of success is trying to find someone who is happy for you.

I am a man trapped inside the body of a woman. I will never keep lube and glue in the same drawer ever again.

A guy walks into a crowded local bar, holding a pistol in his hand and yelling, I have a 45 caliber pistol here with seven rounds in the barrel plus one in the chamber and I want to know whos been sleeping with my wife. A voice from the other end of the bar called out, "Youll need more ammo".

Yesterday I gave up my seat on the bus for a blind person Today, I lost my job as a bus driver. This world is too cruel for the kind hearted..

One day when I was young... I watched my father grill burgers. When they were done, he handed me one, telling me it was a Bison burger. He then left... never came back... I know he may not have been dedicated to his family, but he was dedicated to his jokes.