The condom was first invented by a Welshman by using a sheep's intestine. The English later improved it by removing the intestine from the sheep first.

If minecraft taught me one thing... It's to never spend diamonds on a hoe.

China has largest population not because the men are extra horny nor the women are extra fertile. But their condoms are "Made in China"

My son asked me what a dilemma was? Imagine you're naked and in a big bed, I explained, A beautiful woman on one side and a gay man on the other... Who you going to turn your back on?

A boy and his dad are talking. - Hey Dad. - Yes son?- - Did you ever get shot in the army? He looks at his son in silence. Tears start to form in the Dad's eyes, and he quietly replies; - No, but I was shot in the leggy.