Did you know that you can tell how smart an ant is by catching it on fire? If it burns, it's a smart ant. If it doesn't, it's retardant.

Why was the Pepsi employee fired? He tested positive for coke.

How do we know the earth isn't flat? If it were flat, cats would have already pushed everything off of it.

How come it takes so long to build a blonde snowman? Because you have to hollow out the head.

Do not be racist; be like Mario. He's an Italian plumber, who was made by the Japanese, speaks English, looks like a Mexican, jumps like a black man, and grabs coins like a Jew!