My girlfriend asked me to name all the women I've slept with. I probably should've stopped when I got to her.

I saw 2 guys wearing matching clothing and asked if they were gay. They quickly arrested me.

The doctor gave me six months to live, so I shot him. The judge gave me 50 years. Problem solved.

A snake walks into a bar. The bartender says "How the fuck did you do that?"

My boss hates it when I shorten his name to Dick Mostly because his name is Steve