We have to allow ourselves to be loved by the people who really love us, the people who really matter. Too much of the time, we are blinded by our own pursuits of people to love us, people that don't even matter, while all that time we waste and the people who do love us have to stand on the sidewalk and watch us beg in the streets! It's time to put an end to this. It's time for us to let ourselves be loved.

The sole purpose of a child's middle name, is so he can tell when he's really in trouble.

Did you hear about the dyslexic, agnostic, insomniac? He stayed up all night trying to decide if there really was a dog!

I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, "I'm going to mop the floor with your face". I said, "You'll be sorry". He said, "Oh, yeah? Why?" I said, "Well, you won't be able to get into the corners very well."