What did the boy with no arms get for his Birthday? Don't know he hasn't opened it yet...

There's a way of telling if an orange is male or female. If it squirts you in your eye without warning, it's a male. If it's bitter for no apparent reason, it's a female.

My biggest fear, when I first started dating, was meeting the girl's father. But I mainly dated black girls, so it was never really an issue.

The condom was first invented by a Welshman by using a sheep's intestine. The English later improved it by removing the intestine from the sheep first.

If minecraft taught me one thing... It's to never spend diamonds on a hoe.